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CarmillaX


Krista in wonderunderground

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so, last Sunday one of my favourite bands, D, performed in Gloria, Helsinki. The concert was AWESOME! They also had an autograph session after the gig <3

The line was very long outside, but when the gig started and people had got in, the place wasn't full at all o__O That's why the atmosphere was a bit flat at first, but luckily it rose very high when the gig went forward ^^
It sucks though that they didn't play so many favourite songs of mine, only three ;___; booo. Also, the schedule was one hour late >__< Oh well, it was still awesome!

Asagi was soooo full of sex during the performance, oh dear lord @___@ but TSUNEHITO, OMG *____* he's so adorable .___.<3 I totally fell in love with him XD

I was very lucky 'cos I was the first person who got the autographs from them! We had these line numbers, and the no. 1 was my friend's, but for some reason she didn't want to get the autograph, so I got the number 8DDD
I had bought a poster, so I got the autographs in it ^^ I shook hands with all of the members, AND I hugged Asagi and Tsunehito ;;;____________;;; <3<3<3 lalalalaaaaa

So, thanks to the autograph session I didn't leave the concert with empty hands because of the poster with autographs. ALSO!! I got the guitar pick of Ruiza *___* fgfdfglkfglkjhgkfhf

Here are the pictures of my treasures *-*





Sorry about the crappy quality >__<

I was in a complete shock after the concert, also the next day XDDD I totally failed when I went to school. I started to walk in the complete wrong direction XD After a while I stopped and thought: What the fuck am I doing HERE, I should be walking the opposite direction!! XDDD oops... so, that's why I was late from school that day XDDD
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Hahah, once again, it's been very long since my last post, and all the latest post have been very depressing, sorry about that @__@ But this post isn't!! yay~
dingdingCollapse )
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Yep, that's the homework I got from my psychiatrist this week... So, logically, I have to write down the facts about who I am now, and who I want to become. The homework wasn't so hard and I was able to make it pretty quickly... I'm good at recognising all my faults, and because I'm a dreamer, it's also easy to list all the things I want to get and get rid of.

Who am I now
✖ sad
✖ agitated
✖ fearful
✖ jealous
✖ possessive
✖ short-tempered
✖ clingy
✖ afraid to be alone
✖ a burden
✖ getting stressed too easily
✖ negative
✖ weak
✖ insecure
✖ a loser
✖ a bad girlfriend
✖ bitter
✖ angry
✖ suicidal
✖ a wreck
✖ abandoned


Who I want to become
♥ a good girlfriend
♥ carefree
♥ NOT to get mad easily
♥ trusting
♥ HAPPY
♥ energetic
♥ positive
♥ strong
♥ dauntless
♥ confident
♥ BALANCED
♥ brave
♥ laid back
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When I woke up, I was thinking about stuff I shouldn't be thinking. I was very agitated. I mean Very.

I got off from the bed and put my clothes on quickly. My boyfriend woke up because of the noise (I was being hysterical so I didn't quite understand that I should be quiet).

Marko: huh??
Me: I'm anxious as fuck, I gotta get out of here.

I was leaving, but Marko grabbed me into his arms and wouldn't let me go. I felt terrible. I couldn't breathe, I was almost hyperventilating. I was crying my eyes out and I noticed that I was making these awful dyskinesias. I was rubbing my legs together so hard it hurt, sctratching my head, my neck was restless... Marko was trying to calm me down but I couldn't pay attention to anything. All this ate a lot of my energy so I started to sweat a bit and became very tired. In the end, I was so tired that Marko laid me down on the bed, and after few minutes I fell asleep. He was holding me the entire time.

I have no idea how long the incident took... All I know is that when I fell asleep, we slept until 2pm... I went home. I don't wanna be alone but I didn't wanna be at Marko's place either. I had to get out. I'm such a burden.

I have no idea what would have happened if I had been alone... I don't even wanna think about it. That's why I'm even more scared now. What if it comes again and no one is around?
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gosh, I've been neglecting this place bg time! again.... XD And I failed the 30 days of pictures -survey-thingie as well -___-;; arararrrrr

Ah well, a lot of things has happened... Some bad things, but also good things. Bad things first~
hjgdshjgskdghgfCollapse )
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whoah... I've been passive as hell since Wednesday... I just wanna lie in my bed and sleep. And when I don't sleep I just wanna look at the walls. I've been at school only 2 times this week...
Depression is a bitch...Collapse )
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A picture of your favorite book



This book is soooooo awesome!!! ....even though the ending kinda pissed me off XD
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 A picture of something you wish you could forget



Basically all my childhood and other bad memories.


A picture of something you wish you were better at



I wish I would be A LOT better guitarist and pianist than I am now... To be honest, I can't play anything atm, I've forgot totally everything I've practised... I haven't touched my instruments in months. I just wish I could get my motivation back somehow... pff. I wish..
 
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A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel



Versailles *__________*<3<3<3
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A picture of your biggest insecurity

Am I good enough in a relationship?



I don't sress about my looks at all, I'm happy with how I look and I'm a pretty confident person. Except in relationships. I have a lot of personal issues, especially with controlling my anger. I totally fucked up my previous relationship, and I'm so scared I will do it again. I may have improved a little bit, but there's still the other person inside me, broken Krista who is a Terrible and manipulative person.

A picture and a letter



There's a picture and a letter X
XDDD
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