CarmillaX

so, last Sunday one of my favourite bands, D, performed in Gloria, Helsinki. The concert was AWESOME! They also had an autograph session after the gig <3

The line was very long outside, but when the gig started and people had got in, the place wasn't full at all o__O That's why the atmosphere was a bit flat at first, but luckily it rose very high when the gig went forward ^^
It sucks though that they didn't play so many favourite songs of mine, only three ;___; booo. Also, the schedule was one hour late >__< Oh well, it was still awesome!

Asagi was soooo full of sex during the performance, oh dear lord @___@ but TSUNEHITO, OMG *____* he's so adorable .___.<3 I totally fell in love with him XD

I was very lucky 'cos I was the first person who got the autographs from them! We had these line numbers, and the no. 1 was my friend's, but for some reason she didn't want to get the autograph, so I got the number 8DDD
I had bought a poster, so I got the autographs in it ^^ I shook hands with all of the members, AND I hugged Asagi and Tsunehito ;;;____________;;; <3<3<3 lalalalaaaaa

So, thanks to the autograph session I didn't leave the concert with empty hands because of the poster with autographs. ALSO!! I got the guitar pick of Ruiza *___* fgfdfglkfglkjhgkfhf

Here are the pictures of my treasures *-*





Sorry about the crappy quality >__<

I was in a complete shock after the concert, also the next day XDDD I totally failed when I went to school. I started to walk in the complete wrong direction XD After a while I stopped and thought: What the fuck am I doing HERE, I should be walking the opposite direction!! XDDD oops... so, that's why I was late from school that day XDDD

Hahah, once again, it's been very long since my last post, and all the latest post have been very depressing, sorry about that @__@ But this post isn't!! yay~
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Yep, that's the homework I got from my psychiatrist this week... So, logically, I have to write down the facts about who I am now, and who I want to become. The homework wasn't so hard and I was able to make it pretty quickly... I'm good at recognising all my faults, and because I'm a dreamer, it's also easy to list all the things I want to get and get rid of.

Who am I now
✖ sad
✖ agitated
✖ fearful
✖ jealous
✖ possessive
✖ short-tempered
✖ clingy
✖ afraid to be alone
✖ a burden
✖ getting stressed too easily
✖ negative
✖ weak
✖ insecure
✖ a loser
✖ a bad girlfriend
✖ bitter
✖ angry
✖ suicidal
✖ a wreck
✖ abandoned


Who I want to become
♥ a good girlfriend
♥ carefree
♥ NOT to get mad easily
♥ trusting
♥ HAPPY
♥ energetic
♥ positive
♥ strong
♥ dauntless
♥ confident
♥ BALANCED
♥ brave
♥ laid back

When I woke up, I was thinking about stuff I shouldn't be thinking. I was very agitated. I mean Very.

I got off from the bed and put my clothes on quickly. My boyfriend woke up because of the noise (I was being hysterical so I didn't quite understand that I should be quiet).

Marko: huh??
Me: I'm anxious as fuck, I gotta get out of here.

I was leaving, but Marko grabbed me into his arms and wouldn't let me go. I felt terrible. I couldn't breathe, I was almost hyperventilating. I was crying my eyes out and I noticed that I was making these awful dyskinesias. I was rubbing my legs together so hard it hurt, sctratching my head, my neck was restless... Marko was trying to calm me down but I couldn't pay attention to anything. All this ate a lot of my energy so I started to sweat a bit and became very tired. In the end, I was so tired that Marko laid me down on the bed, and after few minutes I fell asleep. He was holding me the entire time.

I have no idea how long the incident took... All I know is that when I fell asleep, we slept until 2pm... I went home. I don't wanna be alone but I didn't wanna be at Marko's place either. I had to get out. I'm such a burden.

I have no idea what would have happened if I had been alone... I don't even wanna think about it. That's why I'm even more scared now. What if it comes again and no one is around?

gosh, I've been neglecting this place bg time! again.... XD And I failed the 30 days of pictures -survey-thingie as well -___-;; arararrrrr

Ah well, a lot of things has happened... Some bad things, but also good things. Bad things first~
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whoah... I've been passive as hell since Wednesday... I just wanna lie in my bed and sleep. And when I don't sleep I just wanna look at the walls. I've been at school only 2 times this week...
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